The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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