I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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