If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
