We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
