I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
