If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
