you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
