Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
