Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
