You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
