Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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