bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize