I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
