You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
