I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
