you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize