She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
