we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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