I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
