It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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