Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
