everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
