Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
