Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
