Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
