Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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