So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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