Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
