Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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