Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
