Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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