Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize