I smell stomach acid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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