I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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