it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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