so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
