No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
