Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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