I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
