I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Everclear isn't food dammit
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
