my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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