cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
