Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
