I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
