so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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