Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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