I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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