oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
