What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
