how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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