just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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