Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
