this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
