my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
how does that bad decision feel?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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