i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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