Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
