Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
