ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
