New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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