If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
