DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
