I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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