This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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