I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
