I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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