Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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