Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
