Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
