Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
