the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
