He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
