1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize