Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
