and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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