I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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