he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
