just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
