Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
