Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What a dumb baby whore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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