Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
