Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
