u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize