So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
