xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
