His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
