They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
did i walk over a car last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
