Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
