haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
