i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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