and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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