I can text with my tongue
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to make out with him forever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
