My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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