If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
