I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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