He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
