I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
