K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
