Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize