Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
