I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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