I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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