dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
